It Takes A Village

Nine to Noon's Kathryn Ryan interviews parenting experts to help you navigate the trends, trials & tough calls of modern family life.

Hosted by Kathryn Ryan

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Kids and screens - tips for parents

Owning a smartphone before age 13 is associated with poorer mind health and wellbeing in early adulthood, according to a global study of more than 100,000 young people. The study was published earlier this week in the peer-reviewed Journal of Human Development and Capabilities, and found that 18- to 24-year-olds who had received their first smartphone at age 12 or younger were more likely to report suicidal thoughts, aggression, detachment from reality, poorer emotional regulation, and low self-worth. OECD data in 2018 showed that New Zealand youth used digital devices 42 hours per week on average, compared to 35 hours globally, and studies have shown that children's screen use has increased since then. So how can parents and caregivers manage screen time? Kathryn speaks with Jackie Riach, psychologist and country lead for Triple P New Zealand which provides parenting programmes nationwide.
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What's it like being a grandparent in your 30s?

At 37, many people are still getting to grips with being a parent. Matty Acton was learning how to be a grandparent. He and his wife Esther have two kids, aged 8 and 11, and he's also stepdad to Esther's 23 year old son Ethan - who became a dad himself last year. Esther and Matty, who's also a breakfast radio host on Brisbane's B105 radio station, have been documenting their journey on their podcast called Underaged Grandparents. In it they explore the unexpected challenges of becoming grandies while still navigating parenting, marriage and life in general. Matty also has well over 200-thousand followers on Facebook and Instagram, where he posts skits about daily life - like 'how to trick your kids into a confession', 'when mum has had enough', how house rules change when you have guests' and 'things parents of boys say...parts one and two.'
Images of Matty Acton and family.

Parenting: Turning experiences into lessons

Sara Segar discusses how parents help turn experiences into learning for their children. She runs the Experiential Learning Depot in Minnesota and developed a range of resources for teachers and families, when she realised there was a desire for hands-on, authentic learning at home and in the classroom, but no material to help.
Participants in the Outward Bound programme at Anakiwa

How to look after your children's teeth

The costs - and pain - associated with poor oral health care has become a huge burden on families and the health system, so how can parents get it right for their kids, and encourage good dental habits that last into their later years? Basic dental care is free in New Zealand for children from birth until they turn 18. But there are thousands of children currrently on waiting lists for dental treatment, we're talking serious surgeries which require them to go under general anaesthetic, with sugar consumption a significant contributor along with a lack of dental clinic visits. Oral health promotions manager at the New Zealand Dental Association is Anishma Ram. The NZDA has more information on dental care for children here.
Supplementary image for episode: How to look after your children's teeth

How to talk to your children about conflict and war

It can be hard to avoid what's going on in the world right now, including for children. How can parents help their kids make sense of what's going on, without scaring them?
Image of a child looking worried turned away from a television

How to talk to children about death

Whether it is a close family member, pet or someone they don't personally know, like a famous person who has died, children experience death and parents will be asked about it.
funeral, generic, coffin, death

Bedtime: how to get your kids to bed without nightly drama

Parenting educator Michelle Mitchell talks about how to avoid drama at bedtime. She says sleep is the cornerstone of kids' (and adults') health and she shares practical strategies to take the battle out of bedtime.
A photo of a girl of 4 years at night time who looks afraid to go to sleep

How pre-schoolers can misunderstand adults - and how to help

In parenting today - we've all seen a full pre-schooler in full meltdown mode. Sometimes that's because they're tired or hungry - or even hangry. But it can also be because they've misunderstood what adults are saying. Wellington speech and language therapist Christian Wright says there are common ways the pre-schoolers can misunderstand what grown-ups are saying. He joins Kathryn to explain how parents can make it easier - for everyone.
puzzled child

Raising literacy among boys - one principal's secret

New Zealand isn't the only country to be concerned about falling student literacy rates and the gender gap in academic performance. New Australian research suggests that boys are twice as likely to be at the bottom in literacy and more likely to fall behind once they reach secondary school. But one boys' high school in North Sydney has defied those odds. Once one of the lowest ranked schools in the state, it is now one of the top for English. Principal Paul Sheather explains to Kathryn how a different teaching approach drove this incredible turnaround at Balgowlah Boys Campus.
Students learning in a school classroom.

Tips and tricks for parenting a strong-willed child

Many parents will remember the 'terrible twos' - when your toddler turns into a tiny tyrant whose favourite word is 'no!'. But what happens when they're a little bit older, but still tending toward being stubborn? What's under-lying the behaviour coming from a strong-willed child? And how can parents adjust their expectations and reactions cope with it? Jenny Hale is one of Parenting Place's Senior Parent Coaches. She's also the author of the book Kind, Firm, Calm: Simple Strategies to Transform Your Parenting. Parenting Place has just launched a new parenting course on this topic.
caucasian girl toddler with painted color draws and stains on face

The challenges and triumphs of solo motherhood

There are a lot of books on parenting, but very few about what happens when you suddenly find yourself doing it on your own. This was the experience of Australian author and podcaster Rachel Maksimovic. She became a solo mum when she was just 20 weeks' pregnant - and among the financial and career challenges it brought - there were a host of other, unexpected things. That prompted her to start her podcast called Mothering on My Own. It's now morphed into a book of the same name, in which 30 women who have found themselves parenting on their own share their stories. Rachel says society still judges single mums negatively - and fails to recognise the fullness of their lives.
An image of Rachel Maksimovic and her book cover.

How to talk to children about keeping safe, without freaking them out

An attempted abduction of a child outside an Auckland primary school earlier this week has many parents wondering about the best way to talk to children about keeping safe. How much information should parents give children about potential dangers to them? And how? Clinical Psychologist and mother of three Jacqui Maguire has some tips and tricks.
A police patrol car, with emergency lights on.

Separating parents: mediation to stay out of court

Jill Goldson has spent decades working as a mediator with separating parents, together with their children. As well as running thousands of mediations, she's advised government policy on family law, and is a researcher. Jill Goldson's grounding principle is that child-inclusive work with families can make it better for everyone. She says a nationwide fully funded mediation service is available to families, but not enough people know about it. She's just published a book setting out what she's learned over the years about from working with families. Text any questions for Jill to 2101 or email ninetonoon@rnz.co.nz. Jill's book is available via Amazon and University Bookshop Auckland.
Separating parents

What 13-year-olds feel about school, teachers and friendships

New data from NZ's largest ongoing cohort study - the Growing Up in New Zealand longitudinal study - shows social connections and caring teachers are top of the list for 13-year-olds when talking about school life. They particularly want time and space to develop meaningful social connections with their peers. Bullying remains a major concern, but kids are well aware of the bullying risks on platforms like social media. The research was done with an app co-designed with 13-year-olds that the children could use to write, record audio or video responses to how their school life was going. The research is done through the Our Voices programme, which is an offshoot attached to the wider longitudinal study. Dr Emma Marks, an Auckland University research fellow in social and community health, talks to Kathryn.
Dr Emma Marks is an Auckland University research fellow in social and community health.

How to do co-parenting well

Clinical psychologist Tiffany Rochester says parents going through a separation usually have the same priority: ensuring their children's wellbeing. But she says it’s important for parents to get the right support at the right time, in order to create peaceful two-home families where their children flourish. Tiffany Rochester specialises in working with co-parents. She is coming to New Zealand to hold workshops with mental health clinicians and people working with separating families later this year.
Clinical psychologist Tiffany Rochester says parents often struggle with supporting their children in the early stages of a relationship break up.

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