What to watch: Love Is Blind UK

There's a lot to unpack when you first meet Patrick Justus, a London singleton looking for love.

The most important thing to know about him, or at least the thing that will stick with you, is that he doesn’t follow his heart or go with his gut when it comes to making decisions. Instead, it’s all about trusting his spleen.

“We call it a splenic awareness,” he earnestly manspleens to a potential love interest. “I have to follow my spleen.”

If you normally take a dim view of reality TV then it won’t surprise you to learn that the spleen is as deep as it gets in the second season of Love is Blind (UK).

The show premise is simple: a bunch of lovelorn singles in their late 20s to early 30s, all of whom are over online dating, sign up to participate in what’s grandly described as a social experiment to see if “love is blind”.

Initially, their only contact with potential matches is via chatting to them on the other side of an opaque glass wall. If they trust their spleens or whatever other organs guide their decision making processes, they get engaged to these strangers before being whisked off to a romantic holiday destination (this season, Cyprus) and have a lovely time of it drinking cocktails and getting smoochy in swimming pools. At mixers with the other loved-up couples, they take turns to throw shade at those they consider to be less authentic in their happiness.

When the holiday is over, the romance is tested further by getting the couples to move in together, meet each other’s parents and check out each other’s social media feeds. Chaos ensues, before at least some of the participants end up getting hitched.

All this is done in front of cameras and lovingly stitched together – or stitched up – in the editing suite. We never find out what happens to the singles who don’t get paired up, except that they must watch the show back afterwards and heave huge sighs of relief.

Love Is Blind started off in the US in 2020 and has been reproduced in 11 other countries so far. As a concept, it’s not a million miles away from every TV dating show since Chuck Woolery’s ‘Love Connection’ (which kept me glued to the screen after school in the 80s).

Patrick and his spleen are an obvious target but they’re not the only compellingly awful thing about Love Is Blind. In this universe, there are only heterosexual couples who believe the apex of romantic love is a chap getting down on one knee and stuttering out a proposal. The contestants are all of a type, with lots of impressive six packs, shirt-straining biceps, heavy makeup and fake eyelashes. The separate male and female living quarters are decorated with fake books that have ‘unconditional love’ and ‘romance’ embossed on the spines. Everyone has very white, very straight teeth.

Why am I still watching it? While it's terrible brain-rotting TV, a tiny part of me can’t help but hope for a happy ever after ending for at least some of the couples. Even if you fast-forward through a lot of it, it’s worth tuning in to the final reunion episode where they reveal what happened after the declarations of love and devotion.

According to Wikipedia, 39 percent of those who pair up on the show make it down the aisle and they have a 55 percent chance of staying together after that. Watching is as excruciating as poking a bruise, but impossible to resist (don't judge me but I've already started on Love Is Blind France).

Don't watch it if... you’re allergic to people declaring their undying love to virtual strangers.

Perfect Match: Single ‘stars’ from other Netflix reality series try their luck again. What’s the saying about the definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over again? Makes Love Is Blind look good. (Netflix)

First Dates UK: Imagine a blind date, but with cameras assessing your table manners. Occasionally heartwarming, often toe-curlingly awkward. (Apple TV)

Blind Date: Treat yourself to this blast from the past - a 1989 episode of a homegrown dating show. As one viewer comments, 'cringe factor 10/10'. (NZ On Screen)