Who said women over 50 had to be invisible?

I’ve long felt uncomfortable with the idea that women become invisible with age; that now I’m in my 50s, I should be prepared to fade from view. Is that really how it is?

When I asked other women in my Gen X cohort about their experiences, they shared more than one tale of apparent physical invisibility with me: “I had my first experience of invisibility last week – I was standing at a counter ready to purchase, and two other people (who were standing behind me) got served first”, said one woman. Another shared something similar, adding “It surprised me as I am tall and very hard to overlook!”

Some women have experienced it showing up in working life: “I’m definitely feeling invisible in the job market at the moment,” one woman told me. “I have applied for over 30 jobs in the last three months, and not a nibble back. I’m not sure if it’s just the job market, gender, age, seniority…. or all of the above.”

While gendered ageism is clearly a thing that most women over 50 have experienced, there are those for whom it also confers a kind of superpower.

“I freakin’ love it”, enthused one woman. “I feel like I'm in stealth mode and as testosterone becomes more dominant, look out. I also feel like I can wield my age like a stick, as it's clear I didn't come down in the last shower.”

Some refered to invisibility with relish: “Who knew this korowai would bring such comfort and an ability to sneak things across the line without so much detection? I think the earned respect combined with the reduced pressure of the male gaze is a powerful combo.”

Petra Bagust – a Gen Xer who’s lived a very visible life on our TV screens – says she notices the invisibility now in one sense, but it’s all about perspective.

“I understand the invisibility, if the gaze I seek is a gaze that's no longer relevant to my life”, she says. “And I have seen it. I now walk past young men, and they don't notice me - and they used to. And that's fine. I'm in a new season. So, whose gaze do I care about? Whose gaze do I seek? It may only be my own. But it happens to be a community of midlife women who I am relishing engaging with.”

Invisibility doesn’t compute with broadcaster Stacey Morrison, either.

“Funnily enough I heard that yesterday somewhere too and thought.. Huh?”, she says. “I’d just been at a tangihanga where the middle-aged and older aunties were extremely visible, powerful and inspiring. So that’s not a statement that resonates with me.

“I also have friends in different personal situations, for instance, currently dating – some are absolutely on fire! Others are choosing not to be with anyone but seem to be the opposite of invisible, more like ‘selective’. I think it’s about the environment you’re in, as to how visible you feel.”

Menopause might be the fire starter here. Unlike our mothers’ generation, who were more likely to be at the tail end of their careers and far more likely to suffer through the menopause transition in silence, we are not quietly resigning.

Rather than becoming invisible, my fellow Gen Xers and I are hitting menopause and finding our voices, reminding society that ‘hey, we’re here, and we’re in our prime’.

Women’s health is finally getting long-due attention from the medical and research communities. Women in midlife in particular have been left out of many a research study in the past, leaving gaps in the knowledge; now that’s starting to be addressed.

There’s a long way to go – we still need better education for GPs on menopause and funding for all the hormone treatments women need – but the GenXers are on the case; keep an eye out for more on this during election year. My advice to politicians keen on courting the midlife women’s vote: including us in your health policies will be a winner.

We’ve also, of course, been noticed by the marketers. Menopausal women form a lucrative market segment; the proliferation of products targeted at us to solve all of our problems – whether real or invented by a clever advertising team – shows we’re no longer going to be lumped into the giant demographic segment of ‘over 50s’. The global menopause market has been estimated in one analysis to be worth USD17.79 billion in 2024 and is projected to reach USD24.35 billion by 2030.

We’ve been primed for this of course. Our whole lives we’ve been marketed products by the beauty and diet industries aimed at fixing us; why would they ignore us now? We can expect to see a whole lot more meno-washing, with everything from protein powder to intimate wipes being branded ‘menopause-friendly’ and attracting an appropriate premium.

Perhaps reflecting all this, actress Amanda Billing, a familiar midlife face in our TV shows and advertising, says she’s not short of roles to audition for because there are more shows for and about us now.

She acknowledges that some women may feel invisible, still, but wonders if it is an issue of psychology.

“I think when people say that they feel invisible, they're probably feeling lonely and disconnected from purpose. Because we do need validation. We are all pumped up by our community noticing what we do and patting us on the back for it. Or at least just acknowledging it.”

There’s power in acknowledgement, for sure. And there’s confidence that comes with it.

Kirstie Cox, a Gen Xer from Tauranga, messaged me with this: “I have occasionally felt overlooked, but I don’t really care, and I will step forward most times to make myself seen.

“At the age of 56 I am the strongest and fittest I’ve been since my early 20s, and with this has come more confidence in who I am and where I fit into in this ever-changing world. I am also very lucky to have been happily married to my husband for 35 years and he makes me feel sexy and special. I am looking forward to our future travel adventures together now that our children are grown and independent. I am focusing on the present and future and not yearning for the youth of the past. I’m making myself the best version of me at this age and stage of life!”

Billing expresses the same defiance.

“I have probably the kind of personality that goes, oh, so you think I'm invisible? Well watch this!”

* Niki Bezzant is a writer, speaker, journalist and author focusing on health, wellbeing and science.