Learning to address smaller regrets people have week-to-week can help them deal with remorse at the end of their life, according to psychotherapist Amy Morin.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin Photo: Supplied
Morin has written three books on how to be mentally stronger.
She wrote the books because at age 23, just after starting her psychotherapy career, her mother died suddenly, then three years later, on the day of her mother’s anniversary, her husband unexpectedly died at the age of 26.
Struggling to deal with the mental toll weighing down on her, she worked on understanding why some people emerged from hardship stronger than others.
She discovered that those who were mentally strong had good habits, and, crucially, avoided bad habits that could hold them back.
“There’s so much advice out there about all the good habits we should add to our lives, but most of us feel like we’re already overwhelmed and starved for time, so I like to tell people ‘just give up your worst one or two habits and then the good habits you already have become much more effective,” she told Jim Mora.
According to Morin, and various studies on the topic, the six main types of regret are education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement and leisure.
By following her mantra outlined in 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, people will find they have fewer regrets at the end of each week.
She said a great place to start cutting regret out of the mind is social media.
“There’s tonnes of research about how social comparisons can be bad for our mental health, directly linked to depression, and yet we keep doing it, we keep opening up social media, we keep looking around at other people and think ‘how’s this person doing’ as a way to measure how we’re doing in life.
“So often we feel like we can’t keep up (with others) and we feel bad about ourselves and we convince ourselves people around us are happier and healthier and they have more money than we do, and it causes us to feel bad about ourselves.”
Morin said it is important not to lose sight of what is ahead of you.
“Life just passes us by, we get caught up in the daily hustle and bustle and we forget to look at the big picture and then before you know it time has passed, five more years, 10 more years, and you didn’t get to be where you wanted to be, of course you’re going to have some regrets like ‘I never started exercising and lost the weight, I never went back to school, I never worked on my career, I never worked on myself’.
“So, if you have long term goals or there’s things you want to do in life, you have to set those goals so that you can start taking that action now.”
On top of that, Morin said breaking down goals into small quantifiable measures is the best place to start reducing regret.
She said while it is tough living a less regretful life, putting in the practice now will lead to more fulfilment later in life.
