Parliament has now shut down for the year. File photo. Photo: RNZ / Cole Eastham-Farrelly
Parliament has shut down for the year with party leaders firing barbed words across the house in the traditional adjournment debate.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon - after the requisite thanks and congratulations - likened Labour to "picked-over box of favourites" with the good ones gone and "most of them like a Cherry Ripe".
"They seem nice on the outside but on the inside they're deeply, deeply red, and frankly they're just best left where they are. Of course, their mates in the Greens and Te Pāti Māori they're actually a bit like a Picnic - a bit rough and totally nuts."
He said Labour's Willow-Jean Prime - in ignoring requests to work with National on education reforms - "has done more than any of her Labour predecessors to advance the education of our kids".
Labour's Justice spokesperson Duncan Webb - who is stepping down at the election and was mistaken by Minister Paul Goldsmith for 'Roger somebody' - was not to be confused with Labour's tax policy, Luxon said, "which is roger everybody".
Labour leader Chris Hipkins had one of the toughest jobs in politics, he said, "right behind whoever is Te Pāti Māori's accountant".
National would not be working with Te Pāti Māori but their MPs could, he said, be included in David Seymour's attendance action plan and perhaps the social media ban should be extended to Tākuta Ferris.
He said various Green MPs had left during the term for various reasons including shoplifting and migrant exploitation allegations, but former co-leader James Shaw had done something unforgivable - getting a job in the private sector, which was "something so offensive to the Greens that even Ricardo Menendez March refused to write a letter of support".
He continued by ribbing his coalition partners, saying Seymour had thought Jesus would have voted for ACT "but I talk to the guy every night and I've never heard him talk about ACT".
Winston Peters as Foreign Minister had mastered French, he said, and "every time I post something on social media, he replies 'oui'."
Although he was up for quote of the year, Luxon said some of his best work had been missed - including calling Sir Bob Jones a "living legend" after the man's death.
"Yes, it has been tough and difficult, but more and more people are starting to see and to feel that our economic plan is working, and I look forward to asking for their support to stick with that plan in 2026."
Hipkins fired back that Luxon had proved AI could not come up with very good jokes, and that it was a speech capping off a "shocking year for the government".
"They began by saying that 'everyone must go', and everyone went to Australia ... they said they were going to get kids off the couch, and increased youth unemployment... said to New Zealand families struggling to feed their kids that they should just go down the supermarket, buy them the ingredients and make them a Marmite sandwich - and saw the price of doing so increase by over 50 percent."
Labour had taken great heart that Luxon declared 2026 the year National would get re-elected, he said, "because every time they declare that they are going to try and achieve something, they seem to achieve the opposite".
He then launched into a lengthy retelling of a fictional barbecue at Bishop's place, saying "when the barbecues start firing up it means trouble for those who are already in trouble".
Luxon could not find much for $60, he said, so Sam Uffindell gave his wife a break and stepped in to help. Simeon Brown went to buy drinks but "forgot his 18-plus card", and Shane Jones had to ask for help cleaning up the gas bottles.
Seymour had shown up with uneaten school lunches, he said, and seemed to be combining that role with his Pharmac responsibilities "because now he's providing free penicillin to kids up and down the country".
Nicola Willis showed up with Eton Mess for dessert - the half-year update; and Chris Bishop made a special dish for his boss, "a wild mushroom stroganoff".
Mark Mitchell wanted to play 500, then blamed Casey Costello for not bringing enough cards, while the "woke" Winston Peters put a stop to the fireworks.
Hipkins finished with a list of thank-yous and hoped all New Zealanders would enjoy their summer holiday.
"Contrary to the views of others. I don't think the Kiwi summer holiday is too long. And in fact, I think for far too many working New Zealanders, the holidays aren't nearly long enough."
The Greens' Marama Davidson gave an earnest and heartfelt account of her battle with breast cancer, reserving particular thanks for the speaker Gerry Brownlee's support.
She paid tribute to the submitters who opposed the Treaty Principles Bill and criticised benefit sanctions, the ban on puberty blockers, and the reinstatement of pay deductions for partial strikes - likening it to a dystopian young adult novel.
ACT's David Seymour said it had been a challenging year for everyone, but was hopeful about improving economic prospects making 2026 "a cracker".
"Winston and I have united to help address the challenges that this country faces - and for those who say that we fight like cats in a sack, hear this one simple fact: this government has passed more legislation in the first two years of its three than any MMP Parliament has passed in its whole three years.
"That's pretty productive. You may not agree with the pace, you might not agree with the legislation - that's okay, that's democracy, but it certainly shows that we have a united government that works effectively together."
He then individually praised each of his own MPs.
Peters said NZ First had an "outstanding year", and said it was no longer a question of whether they would make it back into Parliament but instead a question of how many MPs they would get.
He quickly returned to his usual criticism of the opposition, saying Labour mostly "think that manual labour is the prime minister of Mexico", that the Greens had "proven themselves to be the most hypocritical, shallow, vacuous bunch of Marxists that we all knew they were", and Te Pāti Māori "tried their hardest to be the martyrs of the media" and were "anti-everything".
Te Pāti Māori's Debbie Ngarewa-Packer said it was a time to reflect, and had been a tough year and a "year of extremism".
"We have seen a lot of culture wars, we have seen legislation that has hurt our communities and the removal, the repeal of everything that a lot of our communities in te ao Māori hold dear has made them feel extremely under attack."
She thanked all those who showed up, and showed aroha - saying that was what sustained the party after it was ejected from Parliament in 2017.
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