A visually impaired woman who was denied the right to learn braille as a child, says an apology from the Royal New Zealand Foundation of the Blind, is significant, and that she will be seeking redress for the lifelong impact on her employment and wellbeing.
Low vision and blind survivors of abuse under state care have shared stories of neglect, physical and psychological abuse and barriers to education, at the formal apology by Royal New Zealand Foundation of the Blind (RNZFB) in Auckland on Thursday - addressing the harm suffered by children and adults at the hands of the foundation between 1950 and 1999.
Photo: RNZ / Marika Khabazi
The formal apology comes after findings of the Royal Commission of Inquiry into Abuse in Care.
Dr Pam MacNeill said the foundation had made schooling decisions that separated her from friends, denied her the right to learn braille as a low-vision child, and placed her in unsuitable learning environments.
"I was shamed and demeaned by staff, including being accused of not trying hard enough and outright laziness, when struggling to read with low vision," she said.
"The idea in those days was if you had even the tiniest bit of sight you had to use that," she added.
Dr MacNeill said she left school aged 15 as a result, and eventually lost her full vision by the time she was 23 - at which point she described her state as "functionally illiterate", as a blind person who didn't know braille.
She completed her PhD last year, after decades of teaching herself braille, but said she's still unable to read with the nuance and speed of someone who'd learnt it from a young age.
Dr MacNeill's speech was delivered through a recording which she'd prepared with an Artificial Intelligence tool, which she said illustrates her lack of braille literacy to this day.
She said the foundation had also at one point told her employer that they could get an "underrated workers permit" which would allow them to pay her just half the wages she'd normally get.
Dr MacNeill said she'll be seeking compensation from RNZFB for her loss of income, and redress for the harm, neglect, and the lifelong impact on her education, employment and wellbeing.
Photo: RNZ / Marika Khabazi
Another survivor, Stephanie Birkhead, broke down in tears as she shared the psychological abuse she suffered under the care of workers at the special home she was placed in as a child, after being found to be blind when she was six weeks old.
She said workers there played "mind games" and punished children if they didn't conform.
"I was threatened to think that if I didn't behave I couldn't go home to see my parents on the weekend," said Birkhead.
Birkhead said her experience resulted in her doubting herself and questioning her self worth throughout her working life as she carried those voices inside her head.
"Despite the mind games, the neglect and the cruelty, I survived," said Birkhead, who spoke of finding purpose in helping others later in life, including assisting a quadriplegic man at a rest home.
Birkhead acknowledged that it's positive that the foundation is wanting change, and that things have turned around significantly.
A prominent blind and disabled advocate: Sorry for more than two decades delay to the apology
Jonathan Mosen, a survivor and a chairperson of RNZFB's board in 2002, told a roomful of survivors that he is sorry that the apology to them wasn't done twenty years earlier.
He said he'd at the time taken part in the RNZFB's reform, as it transitioned from a model where blind people were treated as recipients of charity, to people who could direct the organisation's destiny.
However Mosen said despite other advocacy victories, it haunted him that he wasn't able to deliver the apology during his time leading the foundation.
"It saddens me how many people have died in these 23 years, who should've been compensated and apologised to," he said.
Photo: RNZ / Marika Khabazi
Mosen spoke of his own abuse by a teacher, in the 1970s, who held him forcibly and repeatedly under water in a swimming pool, which sent him into panic attacks.
He said the teacher denied her actions, didn't express remorse, and received the protection of the system, while he was being sent to see a psychologist after being accused of lying - with his mother being the only person who believed in him.
Mosen said New Zealand society as a whole needed to own this part of its history, and that the apology needed to happen, despite its inability to reverse the damage done.
"When an individual or an entity has harmed you, being apologised to does not instantly make things right, it does not erase the memory of the abuse - and the added trauma of not being believed, it doesn't make the consequences disappear, it does not alter the fact that our life trajectory, our ability to trust others , the way we interact with others would probably be different have the abuse not occurred, yet the need to justice and the need for healing demand this event take place," he said.
RNZFB Board Chairperson: Stories of abuse confronting and sobering
RNZFB's board chairperson Clive Lansink said hearing the stories of abuse are confronting and sobering, and he acknowledged that the organisation he now leads had failed to provide the safety, protection and dignity that every person deserved.
He acknowledged the harm caused then and the harm that survivors continue to live with today.
"We are deeply sorry, we honour your strength , we honour your courage, and we pledge to walk forward with you," he said.
Lansink said the foundation is listening to survivors to ensure their voices guide the future processes - including a survivor-led process of redress and change.
He said they're committed to raising the standard of care through Aotearoa.
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