Not giving a toss is one way to better accept a less-than-perfect life, says Mark Manson, author of the best-selling book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a #@%!
A new Kiwi-made documentary based on the book reflects Manson's mission to help people feel more contented with their lot.
Mark Manson Photo: Supplied
Largely filmed in Aotearoa and directed by New Zealander Nathan Price, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck reflects Manson's mission to help people live more contented lives by examining their values.
"But I think if I wrote a book about priorities and values, nobody would buy it, you know, so I've got to jam that F-bomb in there," he tells Summer Times.
Not giving a toss is an antidote to the personal struggle of our times, Manson says.
“We are all bombarded with so much information, so many different messages, so many different ideas.
“And it's become incredibly difficult to know what is worth paying attention to, and what is worth shutting out and trying to ignore.
“The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is about that, understanding what are the few things in your life that are truly important that truly matter? And how can you stay focused on those and block out the rest?”
The first step is to be really honest with yourself, he says.
“One of the things I talk about in my book is that a lot of what we think we want, we don't actually want.
“It's easy to want the benefit of something, but ultimately, you need to want the struggle.”
Our level of commitment to the struggle is key, Manson says.
“Everybody wants to be popular and be loved and make a bunch of money and have a sweet and easy life. But very few people actually want to sacrifice and struggle to get those things.
“And the argument I make is that ultimately. the life that we get is based on the struggles that we choose, not based on the benefits that we desire.”
The power of positive thinking is overrated, he says, and negative emotions serve a purpose.
“Every emotion exists for a reason. There's no such thing as a bad emotion, there's only bad reactions to emotions.
“So if you are trying to block out anger or pretend your sadness doesn't exist, you're actually denying yourself a very, very important piece of information about yourself and about your life. And so, if you're denying that information, you're not going to grow or develop.”
It can be difficult to differentiate between happiness and pleasure, Manson argues.
“A lot of times we see something that is very pleasant. And we tell ourselves that that will make us happy. But really what it brings is just a momentary experience of pleasure or comfort, and then it actually leaves us worse off afterwards.
“I think it's important to get very clear that happiness is not always derived from what is pleasant. Sometimes happiness is difficult. Sometimes it's uncomfortable.”
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck is in New Zealand cinemas from 11 January and can be viewed online.
