23 Nov 2021

Navigating differences over Covid-19 with family this Christmas

From Afternoons, 1:50 pm on 23 November 2021

Dr Hannah Korrel is both a Clinical Neuropsychologist and Registered Psychologist. She holds a Masters in Clinical Neuropsychology and PhD in neuroscience from the University of Melbourne.

Dr Hannah completed over a decade of study to become qualified in conditions of the brain and psychology of relationships. She joins Jesse every fortnight to talk about relationship issues people encounter and offer some ways to resolve them.

This time, Hannah talks to Jesse about how to navigate potential conflict over Christmas when family gathers. 

Man in solitude feeling bad during christmas day

Photo: 123rf

She says there’s an extra layer on complexity this year with Covid-19 and facing relatives who might hold different views on the virus or vaccines.

We can either react passively or actively to awkward or tense situations, she says.

“The passive approach is when you’re reacting when people are crossing boundaries and saying, please don’t call me an idiot, please don’t speak to me that way – it makes things a bit awkward and a bit tense. I think it’s always better to have a proactive approach where you’re not just reacting.

That means taking a bit more control over what’s happening.

“Maybe it’s having a seating plan so we’re not going to put the anti-vaxxer right next to the avid vaccination person. We’re putting the child in between the adults who can’t really behave because the child will make them behave a little better.

“We’re doing things like planning some fun activities we’re going to do. Instead of just shooting the breeze and talking about anything, we’re actually going to play some games like Pictionary – we’re all talking and interacting but it’s quite a structured activity where there’s not a lot of wiggle room for people to bring up controversial topics.”

However, if someone is coming and has a bone to pick, there’s not much people can do to prevent that.

“Making sure you have a little action plan in your back pocket is really important. That might involve an email or text beforehand to say something like this is a no-Covid zone, we’re not using the word Covid and we’re not using the word vaccination.”

She says it’s not unreasonable for people to put a message out saying they’re only willing to host family members and friends who’ve had their vaccinations.

“I can’t speak to individual situations, but I think it’s really important to trust your gut and go with what your intuition tells you is right for you and your family. Deep down, your heart knows what’s in your best interest for the long term.

“Of course, things can be awkward and a bit tricky but the question is, what would you regret more – not sending out an email and having something happen that you didn’t feel like you had control over, or would you regret maybe potentially hurting someone’s feelings a bit for the greater good of protecting an immune compromised person in your family.”