16 Oct 2018

Soraya Chemaly on the power of women's anger

From Afternoons, 3:10 pm on 16 October 2018

It's time we destigmatise the anger of women for the sake of our health as individuals and as a society, says Soraya Chemaly, the author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger.

Soraya Chemaly, author of 'Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger'

Soraya Chemaly, author of 'Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger' Photo: Soraya Chemaly / Twitter

Historically, 'femininity' has demanded the repression of anger while 'masculinity' has rewarded its expression.

Now it's time that we de-gender anger and all emotions, Chemaly tells Jesse Mulligan.

Gender bias in relation to emotions begins at birth, Chemaly says.

"Even in early infancy, adults will look at a baby and if they aren't sure of the gender of the baby they'll describe the same behaviour in different ways – depending on whether they think its a boy or a girl.

"If a child is tetchy and irritable and they think its a boy they'll say he's 'angry', but if they think its a girl they'll say that she's 'sad'.

angry upset sad indignant baby boy girl

Photo: 123RF

"Girls are expected to make the people around them feel comfortable, to put their needs first, to prioritise them, the display of anger – which makes a demand on people around you – is not really encouraged in equal measure.

"For boys, it's the flipside. They're told a lot about anger but not allowed to freely express other emotions that might show they're vulnerable or sad."

This pressure on women to repress their anger has a silencing effect, Chemaly says.

"If a woman righteously expresses anger in a courtroom, as a prosecutor, people distrust her and don't like her. Whereas if a man in the same position does the same thing he's considered authoritative and credible. So if you're a [female] lawyer and you're advocating on behalf of your client you just don't have access to that."

Jacinda Ardern and Hillary Clinton take a selfie

Jacinda Ardern and Hillary Clinton Photo: Supplied

"[US presidential candidates] Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump could slam their hands on podiums and look a little unhinged and have their hair fly and turn red in the face and that allowed them to tap into populist anger. But a woman like Hillary Clinton had to stay incredibly demure …. without showing too much emotion. And certainly, she couldn't rage that way because society would actively punish her for doing that."

Judge Brett Kavanaugh testifies during the second day of his US Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearing.

 Judge Brett Kavanaugh testifies at the US Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearing.  Photo: AFP

We clearly saw that same juxtaposition in the testimonies of US Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh and university professor Christine Blasey Ford, who accused him of sexually assaulted her 36 years ago at last month's Kavanaugh Hearings.

"[Kavanaugh] could display all this emotionality because there is a core of rationality attributed to men and masculinity."

Tennis star Serena William's angry reaction to an accusation of cheating at the 2018 US Open final is a very complicated situation, Chemaly says.

"Serena is smart and very conscious of how stereotypes of angry black women are weaponised against them. Her anger on the court was anger at decades of sexism, racism and bias in the media and in her profession", she says.

Serena Williams and umpire Carlos Ramos at the US Open

Serena Williams and umpire Carlos Ramos at the US Open Photo: Panoramic

Chemaly believes it was "absurd" that William was levied the highest fine ever for verbal use.

She commends the # MeToo movement as an interrogation of the idea of modern masculinity but says only time will tell whether it will lead to lasting change.

"The issue isn't bad men and their possible egregious behaviour, it's what good men with disproportionate public power are going to do. Are they going to believe women and act not as providers and protectors but as allies in a situation of mutual trust and respect?"

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The movement's focus on institutional change is encouraging, she says.

"It's not only 'This man did this bad thing but you', [it's] 'This institution that rewarded him, we're gonna hold you accountable, as well'."

Chemaly says many people have accused her of "putting more anger into the world" by writing a book with a title like Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger  but she says it's actually the reverse.

"The anger is here. Without acknowledging it, without learning how to think about it and use it, it will act on you. It will hurt your mind and your body and cripple the society.

"So many of the ailments we associate with women – high rates of anxiety or depression, autoimmune disorders, chronic pain – are related to the suppression, repression and diversion of very strong negative feelings into destructive patterns and habits."

Chemaly calls on women to acknowledge their anger.

"Then understand it in a way that doesn't cause self-harm … the more we understand its effects, the better we can deal with it and use it."

Soraya Chemaly is the director of the Women's Media Center - a nonprofit organisation that aims to increase women's participation in the media and the public sphere.