'How do sloths still exist because they're such losers?' people often ask British zoologist Lucy Cooke.
We project human values on to other animals because we want to see ourselves reflected in them, she tells Jesse Mulligan.
Sloths are definitely slow-moving and even disinclined to move at all, but they're not defective or second-rate animals because of it, Cooke says.
There's a reason they've been around in some form for 60 million years and are less endangered than the fastest animal in the world, the cheetah – they are champions of energy conservation.
Cooke has written The Unexpected Truth About Animals in part to rectify their reputation.
"I think we could take a lesson from the sloths and be a bit less cheetah. It would probably be good for us and for the planet."
The three-toed pygmy sloth Photo: Bryson Voirin
Three-toed pygmy sloths – which live in mangrove swamps on an island off the coast of Panama – are laid-back even by sloth standards, Cooke says.
The tiny mammal feeds on mangrove leaves infected with a fungus that has sedative effects similar to Diazepam, aka valium.
"They're grazing on valium all day long. They may not just look stoned – as a lot of sloths do – they very possibly are stoned."
Unlike the so-called 'drunk moose of Sweden' who aren't really drunk at all, she says.
The story goes that at a certain time of year Swedish moose get wasted on fermented apples and run riot.
Photo: 123RF
In fact, it would be impossible for a moose to eat enough fermented fruit to get drunk and they've simply got indigestion, Cooke says.
Because moose have eyes that move in different directions, long spindly legs and wobbly joints they look a bit drunk to begin with.
"You can smell the alcohol from the fermented apples and you can see them with their googly eyes and their wobbly legs – and yeah, they look like they're drunk, but they're not."
Prostitution among penguins was first discovered by Dunedin scientist Lloyd Spencer Davis, aka Professor Penguin.
The Antarctic Adélie penguin – "your classic knee high black and white little Charlie Chaplin" – is one of the few species apart from humans known to exchange goods for sex, Cooke says.
"The females that are already in a relationship will go up and they'll sneak a quickie with these sad singletons [lone male penguins who live on the edge of the colony] in each exchange for a pebble - which is basically hard currency for the Adélie penguin because they have to build their nests out of pebbles to protect the eggs from drowning in meltwater.
"The sneaky females have discovered they can pilfer these pebbles after diverting sad singleton males [who have] pebble castles."
Female hyenas are also unusually crafty, Cooke says.
They've evolved a 'pseudopenis' and fake scrotum that is indistinguishable from that of the (smaller, less aggressive) male hyena.
"It's actually an eight-inch clitoris that is shaped and positioned exactly like the male penis."
The Lion King left hyenas with a reputation of being "unpleasant scavenging idiots", but their highly organised matriarchal societies make them some of the most successful carnivores on the planet, Cooke says.
On the flip side, beavers are not the mastermind architects they appear to be.
While they are highly adaptive and good problem-solvers, a lot of beaver behaviour is automatic, Cooke says.
"If they hear the sound of running water they will just shove twigs against where the sound is coming from."
An audio recording of running water produces the same response.
"Even an electric razor would be enough to incite a fury of twig-shoving from the beavers."
So what's behind this human need to see ourselves reflected in the animal kingdom?
Good old insecurity, Cooke suspects.
"I sometimes wonder whether being the most intelligent species on the planet – which we are – is quite a lonely place. So we're always looking for ourselves in other animals."
