Auckland clinical psychologist Debbie Watkin knows she has a lot to be grateful for. Her work at Te Puaruruhau, a multi-agency team devoted to the care and protection of children, reminds her of that on a daily basis. But she can’t help but be quietly devastated at spending her first Christmas without both her children.

“When I put the tree up the other day all I could see was the macaroni angel or the clothes peg Santa that my kids made when they were little. Everything just shouted out to me that they weren’t here.”

At least one of Watkins’ children - Walter, an accountant in Sydney, and Rhiannon, a ballet dancer currently in Germany - usually makes it back for Christmas but this year Covid-19 restrictions are making that impossible. Watkins says she’s been trying to maintain a sense of festive cheer, but it’s heavy going.

“Christmas is all about tradition and holding on to what’s normal. I’m one of five and we rotate through the siblings as to who hosts Christmas for us and all our children and hangers-on. This year it’s my turn and I’m doing it with a heavy heart.

“It will be nice, but I’ll have a box of tissues at the ready. Being the host is my gift to my family, but I do feel a bit jealous that they have all their children with them and I won’t.”

Renowned caterer Ruth Pretty knows all about being the host with the most, but she’s looking ahead to a different kind of Christmas too. Pretty, whose name is synonymous with large-scale events involving celebrities, royalty and big corporate functions as well as parties and weddings, has scaled back the business she runs with husband Paul in a big way this year and now only hosts events at her Te Horo property, Springfield.

“This year there will be just five or six of us, including Paul’s 96-year-old mother. I’ll still do some traditional things, but in a different way. We’ll have a turkey breast, instead of a whole turkey.”

Pretty says people still have plenty of appetite for Christmas activities (she’s run 13 festive cooking classes so far), despite the tough year.

“I think it will be a really special one because people realise they’re lucky to be able to get together with their friends and family who live in New Zealand. But a lot of people are missing family overseas. I’ve heard a lot of sad stories.”

While she’s a huge fan of holding on to festive traditions, food writer Sophie Gray says having a smaller or different Christmas can be a chance to redesign how you celebrate with family and friends.

“This year the sand has shifted under our feet in ways we couldn’t have imagined. Now we’ve had a big shakeup, I think it’s a chance to look at what’s left that we want to keep?

Gray’s extended family get together for brunch on Christmas Day, a tradition started by her Australian mother when her family emigrated to New Zealand from the UK.

“Mum recognised that she didn’t want to be cooking an English Christmas dinner in Antipodean heat and that one day her children would fly the nest. Instead of having all our traditions at the end of the day, brunch was the significant meal so we got to all go off and do other things in the afternoon.”

I think it will be a really special one because people realise they’re lucky to be able to get together with their friends and family who live in New Zealand. But a lot of people are missing family overseas. I’ve heard a lot of sad stories.

This brunch, now organised via a family Facebook group, usually includes a barbecued fry-up, traditional Scottish homemade baps - and, thanks to a recent addition, trifle. Everyone who’s earning money contributes, Gray says.

“When you ask your family what they want and what’s important to them, there may be things you do/buy that no one actually cares about. You could put that money to something more meaningful, or save it,” Gray says.

Saving money on Christmas dining is something Gray’s an expert at. Her 10th thrifty cookbook, Destitute Gourmet, is out next month. She says there’s no point in lavishly over-catering.

“One of the easiest ways to scale it down is to plan the meal a bit more functionally. You don’t have to cook the whole barnyard and have ham and chicken and sausages on the barbecue.

“In our household we throw away nothing, so the things we cook are the things that get used. Leftovers are less work later on, but if your family aren’t leftovers eaters, that’s just waste.”

Most families can also do without a “Christmas control freak”, she says.

“They want to do everything and make everything perfect, but they rob the joy from the whole event. Basically, you’ve got to fire that person. Ask everyone to bring something… the control freak can bring the thing that’s missing.

“I think this year is making people ponder things differently. For me, the most important thing is to have all the people I love under the same roof and laughing. It’s way less about the presents and the perfect, we have way more emphasis on the fun.”