William Dart presents an appropriately seasonal mix of naughty and nice, with more than a few tributes to the Big Man in Red and a little blues on the side.
Biestle Santa Claus Face wall decoration Photo: Flickr User yensid1998, CC2.0
It’s that time of the year when sleigh-bells don’t necessarily mean a Brian Wilson song, a time when we start looking out for that big man in red — even if Santa never was a solo act.
As regular listeners know, I have a bit of a thing for Santa Claus — that gift-bearing old bear who also distributes joy under the aliases of Kris Kringle and St Nick.
And I’m respectful too, of the sterling work done by his better half, so sweetly tributed there, in 1954, by Alma Cogan, the girl with the legendary laugh in her voice.
A laugh that underlines the delicious ironies in that proto-feminist holiday song, urging us to remember Mrs Claus when we’re ripping open those Christmas stockings and gorging on goodies.
A laugh that’s far, far from the heartless mockery of Ella Fitzgerald and the Ink Spots in this rather Freudian ditty.
It’s been a few years now since I devoted this Christmas installment of New Horizons to that cultural icon and hero, so cuttingly dismissed there as roly-poly fat and round.
But we hardcore Santaphiles have always been unswerving in our faith … in my case, it goes as far back as 1970 when I sang along with the fervour of a backwoods revivalist, to the good words of the Godfather of Soul.
James Brown got to number 7 on the Pop Charts with that single, so there must have been quite a few who took his message to heart. And even the sorriest Santa sceptics might have found their cockles warming with such soulful vocal persuasion.
In my annual quest for Santa songs, which sets off on Boxing Day each year, I find all sorts of little treasures concealed in snow-covered chests and sand-caked beach hampers.
This year it’s been good to spend time again with a 90s country band by the name of 5 Chinese Brothers – a group whose music was described by no less than Bob Massey in the Washington Post as three-minute voyages of loss, regret and the occasional humble triumph. Roots music of the kind that’s earthy, but never floral.
5 Chinese Brothers showed their first interest in our Christmas hero with their 1994 EP titled Santa Claustrophobia, although we had to wait three years for the band to discipline themselves into producing a fully committed yuletide album.
This was 1997’s A Window Shopper’s Christmas, and Santa made a number of appearances on it. Most memorably perhaps in a satirical talking blues titled 'The Department Store Santa Strike', but most movingly in a song that reminds us of some of the big asks that this man must front up to.
This coupling of Santas and daddies brings me up to date with, if not the brightest star on my Christmas tree, then certainly the glitziest.
Some know the outrageous Randy Rainbow as a YouTube star – for his fake interviews with politicians, sliding new and provocative questions in between pre-existing interview bytes.
One of his most recent featured him singing 'I’m just a girl who can’t say no' from Oklahoma. Addressed to the current American president, it was recast as 'He's just a gurl who’ll quid pro quo'.
One of the tracks from Randy Rainbow’s new seasonal sparkler, Hey Gurl, it’s Christmas!, has him picking up a Jimmy Boyd popsicle that some folks have been grinding their teeth to since 1952. However, others have had a lot of fun with 'I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus', including the gender twisting Ru Paul of drag race fame.
Rainbow focuses, with some penetration, on the emotional significance of the young boy’s catastrophic discovery under the Christmas tree with Kathy Griffin and Alan Cumming offering psychiatric support on the side.
Another cracker of a Christmas release is Ana Gasteyer’s Sugar & Booze which is as sweetly addictive as its title suggests.
Gasteyer is a Saturday Night Live alumna, with the theatrical chops that has seen her on the stage in Brecht and Weill, Sondheim, and, just four years ago, playing the Mother from Hell in William Finn’s The New Brain.
There’s not too much vitriol tainting the sugar and booze on Ana Gasteyer’s new album, the title of which was chosen for being both heartwarming and ridiculous at the same time. The selection of songs, she tells us, was governed by what might catch the energy and vibe of someone’s favourite drunk aunt.
And there’s no snide ho-ho-ho-ing at Santa’s avoirdupois when she relates the notorious chimney incident to a cool latin beat, complete with extremely pregnant pauses.
For those who’ve played Secret Santa at office parties, spending the last half-hour of the evening trying to give away, hide or destroy the horror that you’ve been lumbered with, Ana Gasteyer has just the song for you.
Duetting with Maya Rudolph, another Saturday Night Live graduate, we take a Christmas trip to Cuba, the land of splendid cigars and more problematic bananas.
Surprise is becoming as rare a commodity as taste these days and it takes something very special to raise an eyebrow as well as a smile. But it did happen to me with the last of today’s offerings.
For those who think Christmas has become a very Euro tradition from Austrian silent nights to that very English counting down the days, Santa Claus has been known to deliver a pretty mean 12-bar blues as well as inspiring other singers to salute him with the same.
And, as it happens when B B King picks up this Clarence Carter classic, we learn that the Big Man is not always above reproach.
The veteran Victoria Spivey wrote a number of Christmas themed blues. Some, like 'Christmas without Santa Claus', are extremely serious songs of social protest.
Others, like 'I ain’t gonna let you see my Santa Claus', are more light-hearted, bordering on raunchy.
The surprise of this year’s smallish bunch of seasonal releases doesn’t come from Robbie Williams, despite its eager-beaver marketing.
No, it hails from the less likely figure of American bluesman Keb' Mo' who claims that his latest, Moonlight, Mistletoe, and You is his first Christmas album.
Well I suppose it is – strictly speaking – if you overlook an EP that he put out eight years ago titled The Spirit of the Holiday: a set of four tracks that includes Mel Torme’s 'Christmas Song' and his own 'Shopping on Christmas Eve' that you can catch online, in a live 2015 performance.
And let’s not forget this satiny soul ballad, popular enough on the December market to be anthologized more than once, and titled 'We call it Christmas'.
Keb' Mo’s Moonlight, Mistletoe, and You is an unashamed play for as wide a demographic as possible. Which doesn’t mean it’s bad, even if his rather bland 'Please Be Home for Christmas' is no match for the old Johnny Winter version, with its hysterical mélange of tolling bells and the tussling vocals of the two Winter brothers.
And I must confess that I could easily live without his crooning twosome with Melissa Manchester assuring us that they’ve both got their love to keep them warm.
It’s difficult to believe that just a year ago, on this programme, I had Keb' Mo' pairing up with Rosanne Cash with a much more serious message.
On the blues front, Keb' Mo' offers two familiar tunes. One is Teddy Edwards’ 'Santa Claus, Santa Claus', best known through Louis Jordan’s 1968 cri de coeur, complete with Jingle Bells introduction.
The other, Charley Johnson’s 'Santa Claus Blues' is a 1931 classic which Keb' Mo' spins out with gossamer reverence.
Keb' Mo’s own writing throughout the new album does reveal the impressive range and utter professionalism of the man.
The album’s title track, with its suggestions of some adult role playing (imagine Keb' Mo' as Rudolph and his lady as Vixen) is, in musical terms, a velvety Kahlua on ice. And if Gerald Allbright’s burnished sax isn’t enough, just lie back and allow yourself to get positively drenched in strings.
And just when you think that Keb' Mo' has sunk, without much of a struggle, into a Playboy Pad Christmas groove, he comes up with an unexpected slice of seasonal cynicism.
As Santa Claus’s representative today, I must admit that I’m not too sure whether some of the sentiments that you’re about to hear mightn’t frazzle his famous beard. But others, I’m sure, will have him smile and nod in approval.
In the meantime, however, those CDs and LPs are piling up in my over-crowded hidey-hole, ready for a busy Boxing Day.
Music Details
'Song title' (Composer) – Performers
Album title
(Label)
'Mrs. Santa Claus' (Anon) – Alma Cogan
Yuletide Britannial
(Cakemusic)
'Santa Claus got stuck in my chimney' (Hardy et al) – Ella Fitgerald, Ink Spots
The Complete Decca Singles Vol. 4
(Decca)
'Santa Claus Is Definitely Here To Stay' (Jones) – James Brown
James Brown’s Funky Christmas
(UMG)
'Dear Santa' (Antonakos) – Five Chinese Brothers
A Window Shopper’s Christmas
(Prime)
'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Cl…' (Connors) – Randy Rainbow
Hey Gurl, It's Christmas!
(Broadway)
'Throw It Out' (Finn) – Ana Gasteyer
A New Brain (2015 New York Cast album)
(PS Classics)
'He's Stuck in the Chimney Again' (Coleman) – Ana Gasteyer
Sugar & Booze
(Henry’s Girl)
'Secret Santa' (Anon) – Ana Gasteyer, Maya Rudolph
Sugar & Booze
(Henry’s Girl)
'Back Door Santa' (Carter) – B.B. King
A Christmas Celebration Of Hope
(Geffen)
'I Aint Gonna Let You See My Santa Claus' (Anon) – Victoria Spivey
Victoria Spivey Vol. 4 (1936-37)
(Document)
'We call it Christmas' (Moore, Yates) – Keb' Mo'
The Spirit of the Holiday
(Yolabella)
'Put a Woman in Charge' (Chapman et al) – Keb' Mo', Rosanne Cash
single
(Kind of Blue Music)
'Santa Claus Blues' (Jordan) – Keb' Mo'
Moonlight, Mistletoe & You
(Concord)
'Moonlight, Mistletoe & You' (Moore, Ollindorff) – Keb' Mo'
Moonlight, Mistletoe & You
(Concord)
'Christmas Is Annoying' (Dempsey, Moore) – Keb' Mo'
Moonlight, Mistletoe & You
(Concord)
